What Is actually a Category Article?

There isn’t any point in having a classification essay if you do not know what a classification essay is all about

It is a very important part of the application process and can make or break your chances of being accepted for admission.

The most common question asked by students who do not have prior experience in this type of writing is, “What is a classification essay? ” This essay essays online is a tool that is used to highlight specific skills, talents or characteristics of a student and help with an admissions officer’s decision on whether to admit him or her.

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In other words, the essay is a way to form a connection between the candidate and the official record keeping on the college or university. It is the official proof of the potential that is presented in the candidate.

There are four common forms of essay that can be considered as a student’s own examination. These four forms are historical, critical, analytical and fact based.

Historical essays have three sections – first, the date, the purpose of the historical papernow essay and lastly, the data. This essay should be created by someone who has a proper background in the history of the school and it should be a thorough study about the school and its events.

The second type of essay is a research paper. The research paper is a written examination of some aspect that is being examined by the official data keeper.

The third type of essay is a fact based one

In fact based essay, the data pertaining to the school’s academic program is evaluated based on certain criteria and the material is then compared to a certain expert on the subject.

In the next type of essay we have assignment activities that can be studied and analyzed. These are very much like researches that must be completed to establish facts or information.

Finally, the other type of essay is a reflective one that explores and evaluates certain characteristic attributes of the person involved. https://oi.uchicago.edu/pdf/05-06_Memoriam_Reiner.pdf It also considers the past life experiences and any achievements or the obstacles that are involved.

In the admissions process a candidate’s grades are a significant factor. In fact, not even the school can determine the grades and if the students at the school are good or bad students.

The only thing that the school can determine is how high the average grades are and what percentage of students did not get into the college or university because of their grades. So, the main purpose of a graduation essay is to convey the data regarding the applicant and persuade the admissions officer of the merits of the candidate.

The most important factor to consider is the student’s performance and how he or she performed in the school. It is always better to get the admissions officer’s attention when you are working on an essay so that he or she will give a positive decision regarding the candidate.

Staying Safe With Your Baby In The Vehicle

Travelling regularly with a baby in tow is going to be a given as a new parent. This can be as easy or as difficult as you want it to be, depending on how you prepare. It’s important to follow certain steps to ensure your baby is happy but most importantly, your vehicle is safe for the little one to travel in. Let’s take a look at some things that need to be done before you put your baby in a car.

Making Sure Your Vehicle Is In Good Condition

 Your car should be in good working order before you even think of putting your baby in it and driving around. You should make sure all your car checks are up to date and there is nothing wrong with the vehicle that could cause something bad to happen. In addition to this, there are some basic things you should do as a car owner when travelling with a baby. Be sure to check the tire pressure and change the oil, these help to make sure your vehicle is safe which is vital when driving with an infant.

It is impossible to be completely safe when driving as you cannot predict the way other drivers will act. Check out https://hgdlawfirm.com/practice_area/trucking-and-motor-vehicle-collisions/ post for some general tips how to act if you have been in an auto accident.

Having A Proper Car Seat

It is law to make sure your baby is travelling in a car seat that is right for their age and that they are fitted into it correctly. In fact, also promoted by professionals like Munley Lawyers Alabama personal injury lawyers. Buying a high quality car seat is something you must do even before your baby is born so you can fit it securely and get him/her home safely from the hospital. Rear facing car seats are recommended for babies under 1 to maximize their safety, so please keep this in mind when purchasing your product. Also check reviews online so that you can find the best quality item, a car seat is really an item that you shouldn’t try to save money on when buying for baby.

Feeding Baby Before You Set Off 

If you have other children, you will know that going anywhere can sometimes feel like a military operation. Timing is EVERYTHING and if you get it right, you and your baby are guaranteed a much more enjoyable car journey. Feed your baby right before you set off, especially if you are travelling a long way. You can even go one step further and start travelling after your baby has enjoyed a nap because he/she is likely to be in a much better mood. A full tummy, a clean diaper and a well-rested little one is key for getting them in a good mood before you travel.

Have Supplies For Baby

 Your changing bag should become your new best friend as a new parent especially when you are travelling. Always keep it with you and make sure it’s stocked up with everything you need for your baby. You will need things like diapers, pacifiers, bottles, milk, blankets and toys if your baby is a little older. Having practical things in place for your little one is important but you also need to make sure they don’t get bored.

Entertain The Little One

If you are travelling with another person who can sit in the back of the car with your baby, that’s awesome. That person can play with them whether that be through toys, talking to them or just making silly faces. If you are travelling alone with baby this will be more difficult, so break up your journey so it is less boring for them. Stop off in a cafe or even a play area where the baby can get a change of scenery and let off some steam.


Now that you know everything you need to know for travelling with a baby, it’s time to hit the road! You baby’s safety is the most important thing when you are taking them in a vehicle, so be sure to change the oil and check the tire pressure, even if you are just on a short journey. In addition to the more practical tasks  and changing the car seats, get to know your little ones routine so that you can ensure the most relaxed travelling experience possible. As you get used to your babies habits as they grow, hopefully this will become easier for you and you can have lots of fun journies together. Are you looking for a legal representative to fight your case in the court? Then choose Miami personal injury attorney to your rescue in legal matters.

Author  Bio

Stella Grant, The Ladan Law Firm

My name is Stella Grant . I am the founder of Speedfinal.com . Automotive is my passion, and I’m looking forward to sharing it with everyone.

Check out The Clark Law Office for more information about safety in a car.

To The Mom Who’s Overwhelmed- 3 Ways To Lighten Your Load

By Guest Blogger: Elizabeth Sprague

To the Mom who’s overwhelmed:

{3 simple ways to lighten your load}…

I know where you are.  I have been there many days myself….many more days than I imagined I Overwhelmed?-2would before I became a parent.  It’s funny how we picture it, and how idealistic we create the vision in our head… But why would the transition from responsibility for just ourselves…to  being entrusted with these little people who are completely reliant on us for everything…be easy?  It’s no wonder it can be burdensome- they literally cannot survive without us.

Yet it’s not the “keeping them alive” that wears us out.  It’s not really feeding, bathing, and clothing them, because this comes as second-nature to most parents.  Where I find myself getting burdened is when I go from doing the “mom stuff” to the “super mom stuff.”  Having the tidiest house, the happiest husband, the most well-behaved kids, and the best-smelling laundry.  How well does my daughter perform in school?  How many soccer goals did she make this season?  How well-organized are our closets?  How well do I accessorize my outfits and how recent was my last pedicure?

It’s not just the temper tantrum that overwhelms us, but the temper tantrum that happens at the grocery store that screams to everyone watching: “This mom has no idea what she is doing!”  It’s not just the unfolded laundry that has to be tumbled and dewrinkled for the fourth time, but it’s the neighbors’ kids whose clothes are always clean and neatly pressed.  We feel like giving up when we feel inadequate.  And we feel inadequate when we are always looking at everyone else to see if we measure up.

Want to lighten your load in a  hurry?  Three simple words of advice: Stop, Learn, and Prioritize.  

  1. Stop comparing yourself to other moms.  Stop comparing your kids to other kids.  Stop comparing your home, your vacations, your vehicles, your landscaping…refuse to define yourself and your success as a mom by anyone else’s standards.  When your child is behind in math or misbehaves in public or strikes out in a baseball game, relieve yourself of the pressure to make him fit into a mold that is unattainable.  Do yourself a favor and embrace the failures, the meltdowns, the disappointments as learning opportunities and refuse to fall into the trap of one-upmanship.
  2. Learn to say “No.”  If you feel like you have too much on your plate, it is probably because you do.  A mom who always runs at full-speed and feels like she never has enough time in the day will inevitably be overwhelmed.  We tend to over-commit, because we feel like saying “No” to something reveals weakness.  We fall into the habit of people-pleasing and maintaining the image of being able to juggle a million things at once.   It feels like saying “Yes” is good and saying “No” is bad, but really- isn’t it better to do a few things really well…than do twenty things and constantly be lagging behind and stressing out?  Saying “No,” even to things that are good, frees us up to say “Yes” to the things that are most important.  When I feel overwhelmed, it is often because I am neglecting the important for the urgent.  I may skip quality time with my kids so that I can deliver a meal to a friend or return phone calls.  Ask yourself, “What can I say “No” to so that I can start saying “Yes” to what I value most?”
  3. Prioritize your life.  Really think about that last question…What do you value most?  Spend some time alone,  pray,  and even write out your thoughts on this.  Don’t rush through discovering what really matters to you.  As the saying goes, “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.”  Who do you want to be?  What do you want your family to represent?  How do you want to be remembered?  Organize your life by these things and plan your days around them.  Plan for the important stuff.  Leave room for what fulfills you and brings you enjoyment and satisfaction.  Create margins in your schedule for the unexpected situations that tend to pop up, but do not live in auto-pilot mode of simply responding to things as they come.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, you are not alone.  In fact, we all are, if we’re honest.  But you don’t have to stay there all the time.  There is no magic formula for de-stressing your life or taking the chaos out of your days.  But following these three simple steps is guaranteed to make your load feel lighter and your days more manageable.


4 habits to start with your Toddler if you want a Respectful Teen

By Guest Blogger: Elizabeth Sprague

In today’s culture, it is rare to find a confident teenager who has a marked level of maturity. One who 4 habits to start early if you want awill look you in the eye, offer a handshake upon an introduction, or carry an adult-level conversation with intelligence and charisma. It is pretty easy to find a teenager who is egocentric, sloppy, and as interesting to talk to as a tree stump.Have you ever met a teenager who impressed you? One who left you wishing you could meet his mom and beg her for parenting advice? Most parents have looked at their young children and tried to envision what they will be like when they grow up, especially into the teenage years. Maybe you are terrified because you have a strong-willed preschooler who will not listen to a word you say and you anticipate his defiance growing. Maybe you have friends or family members with disrespectful teens and you have just accepted that this too will be your fate.Many parents paint a picture that the teenage years are something to be dreaded, and that nothing you can do will prepare you for what lies ahead. They will tell you that no matter how you raise your kids, you will face a storm when your son or daughter turns 13 and it will not subside until they move out of your house. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. The teenage years can be peaceful, rewarding, and even enjoyable for the parent who lays a proper foundation early in life.As a former counselor for troubled and at-risk teenagers, I met a lot of parents who had thrown their hands in the air and given up all hope, not knowing where they went wrong. They were up to their eyeballs with drug addictions requiring immediate enrolment into rehabnear.me, promiscuity, rebellion, and attitude. Some of the experienced DTS. Delirium Tremens ( DTS) is delirium caused by alcohol withdrawal. Every single one of these parents would go back to the toddler years and start over if given the opportunity.

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I have also been privileged to know several “impressive teenagers”…. ones who have compelled me to seek out their parents in hopes of gleaning from their wisdom and experience. I have sat with mothers whose teenagers respect and admire them and asked, “How do I get my kids to end up this way? What did you do to make them love you so much, to seek to please you and earn your respect?”

Here are 4 Tips I have learned that you can begin applying now to prepare your child for a lifetime of healthy relationships.

  1. Outline Clear Expectations and Boundaries. One reason why so many kids get in trouble all the time is because they have not been clearly guided on what is expected of them. It is very important (even from the age of crawling/beginning to walk) that children know what is permissible and what is not. They say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Well, “An ounce of training is worth a pound of discipline.” Show them what to do and how you want them to do it. Reward them when they do it well and correct them- every time- when they do not meet your expectations.
  2. Teach them How to Serve. If there is one thing that makes a teen stand out in a crowd, it is having a servant’s heart. I want my children to not just do as they are told, but to look for opportunities to be helpful and to serve those around them. You can train them very young to look for needs and then to do what they can to help meet those needs. Teach them to seek out these opportunities instead of waiting to be asked to help. Opening doors at restaurants and letting others go before you in line at the grocery store are ways you can model this for very young children. As they grow into the preschool and school-aged years, allow them opportunities to be proactive themselves. Take them to the neighbor’s house to ask if they can pick up sticks in their yard or sweep off their sidewalk. Help them make a meal for someone who is ill. Learning to serve takes children (and future teenagers) off of the their own throne and teaches them to put others first. This is a key to respect!
  3. Respect Them. Yes, you read that right. You cannot expect your children to respect you if you do not show them the same courtesy. The “Because I said so” and “Because I am the parent and you are the child” will not be effective in raising respectful children. At a certain age (likely the teen or pre-teen years) they will begin to think logically and wonder why you expect something from them that you do not reciprocate or model yourself. They will be right for questioning this. As the parent, you must earn the respect of your children. It is not something that is given freely. Much like trust, it is difficult to earn and easy to lose, but the rewards of building it and keeping it are more than worth the effort! Be polite in how you discipline them. Do not manipulate them or give empty threats. Do not talk to them in a way that you would not talk to an adult. Being stern and firm are good and necessary, but yelling and criticizing and belittling them are not. This behavior will reproduce itself in how your children treat others, and you, in the years to come.
  4. Be Consistent!!! I cannot stress this point enough. You will be endlessly frustrated, and they will be endlessly frustrated, if you are fickle in any of the aforementioned strategies. You will gain no ground in raising respectful children if you are wishy- washy. In fact, I believe inconsistency in parenting is the #1 contributor to rebellion in later years. You must be confident in your boundaries, in your discipline, in your techniques, and in your own attitudes and behavior. If you make a rule, you must stick with it every time. If they cross a boundary, you must give them a consequence every time. If you tell them to do something and they do not obey you, you must discipline them every time. Demand first-time obedience. (Please, please, please…do not ever count to 3! Unless you only want them to obey you when you count? I certainly do not want to have to count for my children to listen to me.)

And here is one bonus pointer-
When you blow it, and you will…I do daily… Say you’re sorry. Teach them humility by acknowledging your fault, apologizing, and specifically asking for them to forgive you for what you did. This will not only teach them respect, but it will also win their hearts. When you are vulnerable with them, they will learn to be vulnerable with you.

You cannot make someone respect you any more than you can make someone love you. Your children will learn by your example how to treat others by how they are treated. Love and respect your children in a way that will cause them to reciprocate that love and respect to others!

Parking Lot Safety Board

Our mission at Parking Pal has always been to find ways to keep kids safer. We want parking lot injuries to be a thing of the past. That’s why we created our Parking Lot Safety Board.

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What is our Safety Board Package?  It is a laminated version of all the images you see above. It also includes a Parking Pal Magnet and our new book “Cars Are Big and I Am Small” pictured below.


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Order our SAFETY KIT by itself or along with some Parking Pals and Books at our group pricing rate for a fun way to teach those little ones safety in parking lots.  Email info@parkingpalmagnet.com for more info.

Conception Battles- The Untold Story Part 3

A guest post by K.C. Ott

Your six month prescription from the doctor is coming to an end, as is every hope of ever having a baby. You were certain your doctor would be able to fulfill your dream. As you sit in her office and wait to discuss how your body has failed you, the doctor walks in greeting you with yet another smile. “How can the bitch smile,” you wonder. It’s taking every ounce of strength to not let the faucet of tears turn on. The appointment was scheduled to discuss further options, yet at this point you’re ready to give up. Who the hell wants a baby anyways? Someone to wake you up every three hours to eat in the middle of the night, someone to take care of changing shitty diapers, someone to spend every extra dollar made on, someone to love. Damning your brain that it took you there, you try to come back to earth. That’s all you want is a baby to love. The doctor recommends a fertility specialist, “You mean making a baby in a petri dish and turkey basting it into me,” you ask. Straight faced the doctor replies, “Not quite like that….lets set up the appointment.”

Two weeks later you find yourself, with your husband, in the specialist’s office. Fancy awards, degrees and certifications plaster his office walls, not to mention the thousands of baby pictures staring at you. For fuck sake, if all the baby pictures don’t make you want to off yourself nothing will. Your husband squeezes your hand and flashes you a nervous smile. A small, round man with hair that appears to resemble a toupee walks in and sits down. He reviews your history, previous medications you’ve tried, and starts implementing a game plan. This game plan is no longer for amateurs; he’s taking it straight to the fucking big leagues. Talking daily ultrasounds, weekly blood work, injectable medications, and signing waivers…in case of…multiples! He’s not just talking twins either, he’s throwing out triplets and a quadruplet like it’s no big deal. You want to stop him and tell him not to get too carried away but then remember he’s done this before. Then he discusses further risks: ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome, ovarian torsion or rupture, ectopic pregnancy. The list doesn’t scare you; he doesn’t realize you’re at the point of selling your soul for a baby! God damn it, all you want is a BABY! As you sign the waivers he explains he’ll be in frequent touch via telephone when your “numbers reach where they need to be”. And if necessary, taking the next step and trying to do IVF (In Vitro Fertilization).

Your husband and you head to the pharmacy with your stack of prescriptions. Ovulation test kits, pregnancy tests, medications, needles, and Aunt Flow supplies, just in case. But that bitch better not show face! After hearing the total of everything your husband damn near passes out. When getting into the car he finally loses it, “What the fuck….you just spent half of our mortgage on this shit!” He rants on, “…none of this is covered by insurance, remember the ultrasounds cost too, and for what,” smacking the driving wheel, “for fucking NOTHING!” He realizes what he has said but it’s too late as you lose it yourself and burst into tears. “Do you think I chose this fucking life!?” The drive home one could hear a pin drop, and when you arrive home you lock yourself away in your room with your crayons, calendar and a box of Kleenex. There won’t be a baby making session tonight, you’re only burying your face in your pillow to hide the sobs.

A month after being on the medications and no success, you begin to realize how pathetic you’ve let life become. Dragging your husband to the hospital at five in the morning daily for the ultra-sonographer to give you the same disappointing answer, running home from work to be precisely on time to stab yourself with injections at six in the evening, having sex every other day like it’s a second job, and screaming matches with someone, even plants, due to the medications making you a raging lunatic. Your husband used to think you’re fun, now you’re almost positive he thinks you’re a psychotic bitch.

Another month passes, and another one. It’s amazing your husband hasn’t served you divorce papers yet. Or that you haven’t filed bankruptcy as you continue to dwindle your savings to a frightening amount. To make it even worse, the doctor calls to explain to you that you’re not an IVF candidate to possibly start considering adoption. However, he wants you to continue the regime because there is still a “chance”. A fucking chance!!!
You’ve given up all hope, sobbing on a daily basis as you see babies everywhere. When friends call to announce their happy news you hang up immediately because you can no longer pretend to be excited for them. Besides they’re all whores, how else could one be impregnated so easily?

The fourth months’ end rolls around and you pull out the infamous stick to piss on. With expectations in the gutter you do your part and set it on the bathroom counter. Five minutes later, you come back to throw it away. What.The.Fuck!? Shining like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, two lines! This is some sort of sick fucking joke, it has to be, you think. Nonetheless you can’t contain your elation! Squealing like a pig being slaughtered so loudly your husband hears you from outside. Running in he finds you in a heaping mess. Smiling, crying, babbling like a baby and jumping around. He’s certain he’s going to be taking you to the closest psychiatric hospital. “This bitch has damn near lost it,” he thinks. He sees it at the same moment you wave it in his face and jump into his arms. Barely understanding you, he grabs your hand to hold it still to see and finally grasps what all the commotion is about. Two lines. “You’re going to be a daddy,” you cry, “I’m pregnant.”

Wrapping into each other’s arms, as you both laugh until you cry. Finally everything seems worth it: the fights, tears, appointments, thousands of dollars spent, disappointment, and heartache. It all Untitled design-2instantly seems part of the past as you can now look forward to the future. Everything you’ve ever wanted you now carry inside of you. Within nine months you’ll be holding your only dream, a baby. “What could be more perfect than God’s precious gift,” you wonder. Then you answer yourself, “absolutely nothing.”

Conception Battles- The Untold Story Part 2

A guest post by K.C. Ott

Several months have passed and still no baby. Not even a baby in sight; nothing growing in your conceptionpart2womb, just an empty heart and defeated soul. It’s time to start taking matters into your own hands, swallowing your pride you schedule an appointment with your OB provider. If anyone can work magic it has to be her. After all, she catches babies on a daily basis and helps families grow, she has to be capable of providing you with the same happiness.

The day of the visit comes and you’ve already done your research and spoken with different friends for their suggestions. Hell, Web MD has bestowed enough knowledge in you that you feel competent enough to tell the doctor exactly what you need. Yet, if you did know what you needed you wouldn’t be sitting where you’re at. Clad in a hospital gown with your feet in the stirrups letting all lady parts hang out you try to patiently wait for the doctor to come in. Thoughts of your bikini shave run thru your head as you listen to the clock tick. “What the hell is taking so long?” you wonder, “Doesn’t she know I’m here because I desperately need her help to make a baby.” The doctor finally comes in and greets you with a giant smile, if only you could address her the same. Before she can even get the first sentence of “What seems to be….(wrong)” you instantly break down in gut wrenching sobs. “I can’t….I can’t….,” luckily she has already read the notes. After consoling you, she pulls out that damn speculum everyone loves to inspect your insides. Not noticing anything out of the ordinary the doctor starts discussing a treatment plan of a couple medications. Giving you full details and instructions of each med, when to take them and the expected side effects and realistic expectations. “Hand me the damn prescriptions so I can run out of here,” you think. As she talks further in depth your head drifts off into baby land and how cute your unborn child is going to be.

Running out of the physician’s office you drive directly to the pharmacy to get your stock of baby goodies. Medications, ovulation test kits, and pregnancy tests in hand you feel fully equipped to make this baby thing happen. The idea of starving for the week only crosses your mind for a split second as your bill totals your weekly grocery budget. Now, to get home and start taking the meds, set up your game plan and hop on the husband. Hope is restored, that bitch Aunt Flow is going to be sent packing!

The color coded calendar that appears on the fridge month after month has now gained symbols for each medication. You sit your husband down, pacing in front of him and instruct him of his duties like a drill sergeant , placing him on restrictions of when and where he can get off. He sure as hell better not consider masturbating! You follow him around like a private eye, sneaking into the bathroom to make sure he’s not wasting your baby batter down the drain during one of his hot showers. His ass will be grass as you’ve already explained to him that the doctor informed you how sperm count can be affected by too much or too little sex.

This is the seventh month of trying, medications in full swing. Intercourse is now a job, losing all spontaneity. He is no longer allowed to choose a position. It’s simple, he is to be on top, drop his load as you happily take his deposit and be done. You really don’t care if he enjoys the sex, just as long as he gets off and gives you what you want….a baby.

Unquestionably so, he doesn’t end up giving you what you want though he tried, as you find a murder scene in your underwear weeks later. The feeling of despair revisits as you remind yourself the doctor said the medications may take a few months to actually work. So again, you chug along with the same monthly routine as the month’s past continuing to repeat to yourself that God has a plan as you waive your morals bargaining with the Devil.

A couple more months pass and you begin to realize you’ve been at this as long as it takes to make and have a baby. Cursing your uterus to get her shit together. As you struggle with the emotions flooding in the phone rings and its your best friend telling you she just welcomed her healthy baby girl and wants you to come visit. What a fucking bitch! She’s your best friend so reluctantly you pay her the deserved visit. She knows you well enough that even though you’re smiling when you walk through her hospital door there’s a thousand tears hiding behind it. She offers the baby for you to snuggle. Tears burst out of your eyes like a waterfall as you try to give her a congratulatory hug. The hug becomes a grasp of truth, this may never be you. She lets you cuddle the baby as long as you choose, your husband having to drag you out of the hospital. Wanting to cling to the doors, “This should be me…”

Back home you find your paperwork as you know your time is ticking. The doctor gave you a six months prescription and you’re down to only three months left. “I better make this count….”

Stay tuned for part 3 of Conception Battles- The Untold Story

Conception Battles- The Untold Story (Part 1)

A Guest Post by K.C.Ott

When a woman decides she’s ready to have a baby it engulfs her entire being; by body, heart and soul. She becomes crazed and infatuated with the idea of the “perfect family”. Planning and fine tuning every detail of pregnancy and life after baby. Most women start out thinking “all we gotta do is have sex during ovulation”, with the unrealistic impression conception will happen miraculously within the first month of trying. The journey of baby making begins with this first month of ignorance.

The first month is all fun, not really paying attention to time or details. Your husband is oblivious to Conceptionthe time of the month and has a mindset of he’s just getting lucky, often. The thought of a baby and conception is buried in the back of your mind during intercourse and you’re enjoying every minute…right to the big O! Days after expecting Aunt Flow to show up you get filled with excitement thinking you’re pregnant, only to discover the bitch is late again, with the white sticking displaying a negative sign for confirmation. Everyone else makes it look easy, so you figure it was just a glitch.

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The true life story of baby making and conception starts. It’s a hell of a lot harder than most believe. The simplicity of dropping your panties and climbing into bed with your husband for a passionate baby making session suddenly disappears.

The following month a game plan is instituted. A color coded calendar appears on the fridge; red days for the damn bitch who ruined your plan last month, purple for when you are suppose to ovulate, and bright flaming orange to indicate the nights your husband is suppose to be readily available to suit up (or should we say not suit up). The calendar quickly becomes scribbles of “X” marks while counting down the days to the orange. The orange days arrive and its game time. After sex you dare not move, folding yourself up with your feet above your head. Surely this is going to help those swimmers move in the right direction to where they are suppose to go, and you dare not let one drop go wasted onto the bed or into the toilet. As you squander time with your feet up playing on your cell phone or reading. Your husband leaves the comfortable bed that has a equally comfortable mattress you bought from here, and yet you don’t care about the after snuggles. He dropped his load and frankly, that’s all you wanted from him. It wasn’t about him, it wasn’t about the snuggles, it was about the baby….the baby.

Every tummy cramp, nipple pain, spot of “is that blood” (implantation bleeding) in your panties takes your mind directly to believing your body is working on making that baby you have long hoped for. The wait and anticipation of making it to the day you can test is excruciating. That white stick is certainly going to have a positive signed after all of the month’s well thought out antics. You think positive and go out of your way for others, because surely your body is going to take karma into consideration before it exfoliates your insides for the montly regime. This month you can’t even wait until Aunt Flow arrives, you figure “the bitch better have packed her vacation bags for the next 9 months”, pissing on the stick four days early because it says you can. The three minute wait feels like an eternity and to not jinx it you walk away trying not to look. “If I don’t look it will be positive….my Grandma always said a watched pot never boils.” A negative. You try reasoning with yourself that its only negative because its too early, it could be a false negative, telling yourself “I may still be pregnant.” The next morning you wake up to find a massacre has occurred in your panties while you slept, fucking whore didn’t pack her bags after all and Aunt Flow has arrived in full force. Damn it!! Maybe next month….

The third month becomes even more strategically planned than the previous two. You take it upon yourself to note every single change in your body. Checking your basal body temperature before even lifting your head up off your pillow in the morning, sticking your fingers in the goo of vaginal discharge to note the texture, and even monitoring what your husband is eating, drinking and doing with every breath. Lord knows that he could be the one fucking this up. And he thought PMS was bad! He falls asleep on a night that you are suppose to have sex, and hell will freeze over before you left him get away with it. You stop at nothing, waking his ass up and even threatening rape if he dares not perform. He curses you all while calling you a crazy psycho bitch but indeed does his job and rolls over back to sleep. You throw those feet up over your head one more time, load happily received and drift off into dreams of babies.

Yet again the day comes and your wish doesn’t come true. Aunt Flow wins again. So this is real life? “Why didn’t I get pregnant?” you wonder, “we did everything right, right?” You quickly resort to feelings of hopelessness, disgust, anger, rage and hurt. The stress takes a toll on your marriage as you blame yourself, then him, then yourself again for not succeeding. The damn bitch from high school just posted on Facebook: “Whoops…it was an accident but Ed and I are expecting a baby!!” You curse and swear, throwing objects at the wall….how the fuck did she “accidentally” get pregnant. Struggling with you own emotions you can’t help but wish awful things upon her at the time of your enragement and frustration. Making matters worse the neighbor is due any day and you’ve already contemplated kidnapping the child so she can feel your pain.

And so it goes, as life swirls upon you, everyone else getting knocked up while you wallow in sorrow and desparation. You feel like you’re the only one. It seems when you want something most everyone else can achieve it but yourself. The small amount of hope in one day smelling the sweet newborn scent and cuddling God’s most precious gift keeps you trucking along month after month. You grab the calendar and your crayons heading to the desk to prepare for the next month….

Stay Tuned for “Conception Battles: The Untold Story Part 2”  Coming Soon

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